This is a funny, easy to understand guide to losing weight 
Go Easy On The Drinking
When I go out on a Friday night to have a few beers, it’s not hard for me to consume 800 calories worth of booze. Yes, liquor helps to numb the pain of writing XML parsers all day, but it comes at an expense. To compensate, take up smoking. I smoke more cigars now: it’s a good zero-calorie alternative.
Drink More Coffee
Caffeine is an appetite suppressant. In large enough quantities, it can be used as an amphetamine. Drink up.
If you’re going to pussyfoot around and work out for 30 minutes in your “fatburn” zone three times a week, don’t even bother. You’re just wasting your time. One hour per day, hard. You should be close to vomiting by the end of that hour.
Easy, huh. Stop eating so damn much and get off your fat lazy ass.